happy birthday after all

so...where do i begin?

i should probably tell you how the rest of my day was yesterday.  well it was great.  my birthday was exactly what i wanted it to be, quite and with friends and family, no muss no fuss.

just before i leave there is a knock at our door and i am assuming that it is a contractor.  much to my shock it was the florist with beautiful flowers, yellow, purple and white roses. just gorgeous really.  from one of my best friends, melanie.  i cried, my make up ran.  i was a mess, but they were just lovely.  this woman is amazing and in that moment where tears are just spilling down my cheeks, i realize how blessed i am to have her in my life.

after i freshened up my make up, i left work and as i have been doing, i picked up adrian from his train station.  i always get there first, so i waited.  still disappointed that we were not having drinks or dinner or whatever.  he called and said that he was there so i bounded out of my car to go meet him.  half way down the aisle i saw him, his back was turned.  i stood up straighter, lifted my chin, and lengthened my stride.  i may not be spending time with him this evening, but he was going to have me on his mind.

i called to him and he turned.  his face was smiling and then it dropped for a second...fear suddenly struck me...was my zipper down?  food in my teeth...he couldn't possibly see it from that far away (i don't know why i have a fear of having something in my teeth)...

his face lifted again and he smiled wider, he was practically beaming. yes!
looks like my lunchtime wardrobe change worked.  i started out in a loose linen shirt and sandals...he is now staring a a determined woman in sexy black peep-toe heals, a bright red cami and a black and white print ruffled cardigan.  i wasn't my typical girly...i was all woman and he noticed.

he noticed the shoes first, because as he kissed me hello (he has never done that before) he commented on them, he really liked them, i suppose the fact that they were showing off my perfect red pedicure didn't hurt either.  and the compliments didn't stop there it was everything, my shoes my top, my hair...he couldn't seem to help himself, but he wasn't off the hook.

we drove off and got on the highway...our usual chatter ensues and we settle into the comfort of being us, in our own little world, we like it there.

as we round the boca curve the sun is now blazing into the car and despite lowering the ac i am burning up.  i ask him to help me take off my sweater after i unbuttoned it.  he obliged.  finally some relief from the heat...or so i thought.

keep in mind its rush hour, i am in the hov lane, sun in my eyes.  this man needs to count his blessings that i didn't drive into the wall after what he did.  i don't know what possesses him to kiss my shoulder but there he is and i am so caught off guard.  my head got woozy and i closed my eyes for a split second.

then i realized that i am in a car on a public highway and this is dangerous.i had to say his name twice...only because the first time i don't think i said it but more like breathed it.  i am embarrassed.  and i just don't know what has come over him.  i asked him what he was doing and he said he couldn't help himself, he wanted to see if the freckles washed off....what?

what does that mean?  if you are a guy reading this or a girl with some insight, help me out.  freckles don't wash off?  am i missing something?

after that we spend the next 20 minutes listening to the radio and enjoying the silence...it is great that we don't have to fill every moment with idle prattle.  the silence is comforting.  and he is rubbing my arm, and touching my hand...in that newly familiar way...does that even make sense...newly familiar...

he cant just sit there, he fidgets, and i get it cause i do it to, so when we are sitting there he holds my hand.  but he caresses the fingers and balances our finger tips on top of each other.  he squeezes my fingers and softly pinches my arm. he does a million little things and they are all so familiar, but they have only been happening for about a week now...how can this feel familiar?

we get off at cypress creek because he is meeting his friend in the area for dinner.  i park the car and we sit there for a moment.  then he tells me he doesn't really want to go.  my eyebrows shoot up.  he says it again, he really doesn't want to go and then adds he also isn't feeling well.  i don't know what to think.

i said "well we are here so you either need to call her and tell her you are too ill and go home, or you need to suck it up and go have a good time." 

he looks at me like he is waiting for me to offer up a third option.  and i don't.  i can't. he had a chance and i refuse to be the last minute plan for anyone.  instead, i tell him he needs to go or he is going to be late.
he gets out of my car reluctantly and this isn't how i wanted to end this time with him. 

i pop out of the car as he is opening his door and tossing his bag in.

i look at him and he steps towards me.
i open my arms because i am going to give him a hug and he steps right in. 
my arms close around his neck as his close around my waist...it feels like we have been doing this for years and me both look at each other a little surprised by this level of familiarity.
we just stand there smiling as it is getting darker and the first few stars are starting to come out.

"i really don't want to go" he says in a low voice looking away.
i place my fingers on his chin and slowly turn his head back to mine.
i touch his chin, and then his nose.
"you should go, go and have a good time" i said trying to sound sincerely optimistic.
i smile at him, as warmly as i can. 
he smiles back and says "happy birthday".
he leans in and kisses me...again so sweet.
i promise you for a moment we are the only two people on the planet.  those stars are shining just for us.
i pulled back and he pulled me closer.  i couldn't help myself.  i rested my head on his shoulder.

into his chest i mutter"you have to go" and i gently push away.
"ok" he says, his voice dripping with forced optimism.

as i turn back to my car he says "drive home safely."
i call over my shoulder "oh, i'm not going home."
his eyebrows raise slightly and he asks"where are you going?"
"back to west palm." i reply.
"what?" he asks..."why?...you shouldn't have driven down if you were going to stay up there" he said apologetically.
"i'm not staying up there" i said.  "after i found out that we weren't doing anything, i made plans with someone else"
he looked sick.  genuinely sick.
"melanie is taking me out to dinner for my birthday" i finished.
his color was returning but he still looked disappointed.
"have a good time" he said and i know it was sincere.
"you too" and i meant it.

i got in my car and after a few tries i found my way out of that labyrinth of a parking lot.  i got on the highway and made the quick trip north.  melanie took me out for my birthday and it was great.  we laughed and there was talk about the steak being so good one would consider spooning with it.  when we finally left at 9:00 pm, i decided to give him a quick call to see how he was feeling.

much to my surprise he was at home. and had been there for about 30 minutes.  he said that he wasn't feeling well and hurried dinner along.  that he really didn't want to go. 

i felt bad and before i knew what i was doing i said "awww, honey, i am sorry that your feeling under the weather"
and because i have verbal diarrhea i continue with "and i'm sorry i called you honey"
because that was necessary, right, because i couldn't just leave it alone and act like i didn't say it.
and when he replied, it wasn't awkward, like i truly thought it would be for breaching the "nick names" barrier way to early.
instead it was a very sincere "no, you can call me honey".
i wonder if he could tell i was grinning ear to ear while pulling into my complex as i said good night.

it really was a happy birthday after all.